17: Alabama Abortion,Mel Brooks, and Musket F*ckers

Can Bonnie and Karen find something funny about the Abortion ban that just passed in Alabama? We’re gonna try!

Bonnie found some great articles from satire at The Reductress to Noam Chomsky’s great

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from The Reductress

 

video of why the Southern states and evangelicals grabbed on to the abortion issue. Cory Doctorow gave a lovely recap that included our new favorite term “musketf*ckers.”

Karen and Bonnie both learned about sex in strange ways, from grandmothers to toilet notes.

 

The Bible never mentions “Do not Abort,” but the religious right picks out verses from the ancient pre-ultrasound era to say God knew you in the womb, sooooooo… Plus, they images-1really love those ten Commandments. But Karen asks “Which Ones??” The ones in Exodus 34:6-7 or in Exodus 34:14-27—the one that includes lots to do with firstborns, donkeys, goats and sacrifices.God “repeated” his commandments to Moses after the first ones broke, but God’s memory seems to be lacking. Bonnie thought the breaking of the tablets was just a Mel Brooks scene from “The History of the World.”

 

Bonnie discloses a trip to Planned Parenthood. Oh, if Karen had known she even walked into that place when they were Christians, she would have shunned her.

Then it’s time to talk about Alabama and their low education standards and high telling-

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S-Town Podcast

people-what-to-do standard. We highly recommend the podcast S-Town, that isn’t about abortion, but an intelligent guy in Alabama trying to mentally get out.

We try and go through the logistics of the Alabama Abortion ban with 14 year olds lined up in prison or financially in debt with fines.

Karen talks about a young friend who had an abortion and Karen was conflicted with how relieved she was.

We finish with a perfect recounting of the hypocrisy of pro-lifers in a Facebook post by an Alabama minister named Dave Barnhart that should go viral.

 

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Yup! (Dave Barnhart)

 

 

 

 

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16: Franklin Graham, Pete Buttigieg, and Irish Lips

This week, Karen and Bonnie poke at Franklin Graham, one of the most misreable-seeming men to be filled with the joy of salvation.

Graham tweeted a happy birthday to Melania Trump, calling her the classiest first lady AMERICA HAS EVER HAD. Eat it, Mary Washington and Jackie Kennedy! Twitter did their thing and went after him. We’re sure he has to ask for repentance after seeing all the photos people responded with.

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Melania Trump

Bonnie can’t help thinking of Franklin, the puppet from Arrested Development. Our intro and outro music is an homage to that show.

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Franklin and Gob.

 

We go over how Franklin Graham got kicked out of school for keeping a coed out past curfew, a story Bonnie doesn’t totally believe. And, how the loving man of God publicly called for Pete Buttigieg to repent of his gayness.

Karen tells of staying at a beautiful castle in Colorado she didn’t know was the headquarters of the conservative college student group The Navigators. They also use it as a hotel. NO ALCOHOL ALLOWED. Karen died. Her funeral is Saturday.

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Send us your funny letters HERE! We still pander for Facebook likes, Ratings, and Reviewers (click over there to the right to be taken to iTunes). It’s the best place to leave reviews, but we’ll take them on any platform!

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Bye now!

15: Remembering the Humor of Rachel Held Evans

This week, Karen and Bonnie do something a little different by honoring exvangelical author and thinker Rachel Held Evans who passed away a few days ago at the age of 37.

Rachel wrote the satirical book “A Year of Biblical Womanhood,” where she tried to live as the Bible instructs women to be as a way to point out how ridiculous it is to follow the Bible to a T, but to follow the spirit of it. They also talk about her call to tell Christians how to do and use humor.

 

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Rachel Held Evans

B and K take a swat at Franklin Graham’s tweet wishing Melania trump a happy birthday, and calling her the classiest first woman the country has ever ad, and what the unnamed-3average American thinks is classy.

Plus, they read a letter by The Graceful Atheist recounting his time as the MC of Action House, a program of hip and uber-cool church kids who reenact Christian music videos. Bonnie and Karen are as embarrassed for him as his wife is. There is also a cameo by Katy Perry in his story.unnamed-1.jpg

Church Lock-ins, Funerals, and Easter Condoms

58711617_617915378707795_5791006445029818368_n.pngBonnie and Karen has a few false starts this week as they talk about church lock-ins. Join us as we tell you about them in real time. Horny kids, pizza, one bathroom, what could go wrong?images-4.jpg

Lock-ins have evolved since we were teens, and now there are bouncy castles and kids suing the church for stupid youth minister pranks. They get bands, go to Walmart, go to malls, jump at one of those trampoline places for exxxactly 90 minutes.

Karen tells about her kids have gone to church lock-ins. They were amazing and huge with concerts and junk food. Then they returned home with church “dollars” they could buy cheap-ass toys at the church, to get them to return.images.jpg

They read a letter from Stacey about her Jewish kids attending a Baptist church funeral. Culture shock. Then down the Christian funeral spiral Karen and Bonnie go, going off about how faith funerals are less about the dead and more about trying to convert the attendees.

Bonnie tells about how she screamed at a pious co-worker once and feels badly about it. Karen tells her the woman deserved it. Then Karen shares57611770_10217678680574179_8726830081785200640_n.jpg her giddy moment of finding out kids put condoms all over her neighborhood the day before there was going to be an outside Easter service.

Don’t Be and Asshole!

Bye, now.

13: Stop Believin’: The Story of Trump and Paula White

Karen tells Bonnie about Paula White, an evangelist who “led Trump to Christ,” and has continued to be a big influence on him. It’s a story few know about, but everything becomes clear once you do.

We recorded this on the Saturday before Easter. Trump has inconvenienced Bonnie because both the laaaadies grew up near Mar-a-Lago, and Bonnie is still there. Trump has screwed up the US as well as the traffic in their hometown.

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Trump and Paula White

Karen launches into the story of how Trump became a Christian. It is the story of one Paula White, a televangelist who supposedly led him to Christ. If only Mar-a-Lago could have gotten more channels because Trump could only get a few stations and one would broadcast Paula White and Jim Bakke

Trump called her up and the rest is the most corrupt history ever. She led him to Christ, for whatever that’s worth, and told him when to run for president. She is his closest spiritual advisor. One of his others is Bonnie and Karen’s old pastor. Yay.

Paula White not only believes that God wants everyone to be rich (hmmm, no wonder Trump likes her), but she is on her third husband and it is no other than Jonathan Cain of Journey. Please enjoy this delightful clip of them singing together on the Jim Bakker show.

Bonnie reads a letter from Rose about all the things she wasn’t allowed to listen to or watch. Four of which are magic and David Bowie’s “bulge.”unnamed-1

For the Don’t Be An Asshole segment, Bonnie and Karen go off on people who filter out their facial lines for social media.

Send your funny letter. We love to read them.

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Oh, and Happy Birthday, Steve!

Bye now.

 

Christian School, Sex Talk Sunday, and Playboys in Dumpsters

This week, Bonnie and Karen discuss their time in Baptist day school. They read a listener’s letter about bringing her boyfriend to church and the Sunday School teachers deciding to divide the boys and girls up so they could talk about sex. And what would Christian school be without unruly boys who dive in dumpsters and pull out nudey magazines?

Bonnie tells about becoming an unintentional elementary school racist while Karen just twirls around a pole until she falls down. But, those times made this amazing podcast possible, including the Charlie’s Angels references.

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Bonnie pulls out an old yearbook and reads what Karen wrote Bonnie. You can see the genius blooming “write” there.

Karen tells the story of how she tried to break into the cool girls group by revealing the secret that 70’s heartthrob, Andy Gibb, was going to be the new Minister of Youth. She totally believed Andy would leave his lucrative career and move to her church and lead them in a rousing chorus about not leaving your light under a

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Andy Gibb

bushel.

We still pander for Facebook likes, Ratings, and Reviewers (click over there to the right to be taken to iTunes).

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Transregurgitation, Mike Warnke, and Cement Butts

Karen and Bonnie read a letter from a listener who had an unfortunate incident with a downloadhymnal, they discuss the Satanic High Priest turned Christian comedian, Mike Warnke (all those monikers are LIES), and finish off with a discussion on body augmentation.

 

 

Bonnie recounts how much we were at church during the week growing up. Sundays all day, Wednesdays, going out with youth group friends and not tipping the waitstaff properly. A great witness for Christ.

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This week, K and B…Satan, Bonnie’s favorite subject. Karen recounts a story where a friend from Baptist college calls her after decades to ask her what she can tell him about being Wiccan because she announced she was an atheist. Soooo atheism = devilness.

Bonnie reads a listener’s letter about going to a Catholic school. An unfortunate incident occurs!It leads us to beg for someone to make crosstitch or draw or paint or graphic 0design “Cheetos and Jesus.”

Bonnie goes against all our mission statements for the podcast and does RESEARCH, sharing about a special sink and drain that Catholic churches have to get rid of communion left-overs, even when they are combined with gross things (see above letter).

imagesThen we get into the shyster of Church in the 80s. Mike Warnke, Satanist High Priest-turned Christian comedian. Oh, this fucking guy. What a conman. But his lies molded a generation and impacted their mental health.

DBAA (Don’t Be an Asshole)

Bonnie tells about responding to mean Christians with their own medicine. She also says, “nani nani boo boo.”

Karen talks about getting botox and is not ashamed!

We love all our listeners and it’s so fun to interact on all the socials! Have a great week.