Happy JesusWeen

No, we did not make that word up. But sadly, someone else did.

This week Karen and Bonnie share their memories of Halloweens past, when the church hadn’t upped the ante on hijacking it for Fall Festivals and Hallelujah Nights. Or JesusWeens, a concept that didn’t make it far out of the gate, but far enough for it to still be out there.

Here’s Karen and Bonnie as Miss America (your own face isn’t good enough, Karen), and a Gypsy.

Karen as “Miss Ameriker”
Bonnie as “Gypsy”
Female bust on table as “Stumbling Block”
Karen as Pinky Tuscadero headed to Mass Bonnie as tipsy mother of the bride

Here’s another of us as Pinky Tuscadero, the slutty girlfriend of Fonzie, and a tipsy Hawaiian-themed wedding mother-of-the-Bride.

There are two great letters from listeners who had to celebrate Halloween at church, hints on how to survive waterboarding, and these tacky Christian-themed Halloween items.

And here’s that scary-ass haunted tour we mention where you have to sign off on the possibility of pulling out your own teeth.

We’d love to hear any stories of this Halloween, past ones, or see some costumes. The laughing is a two-way street.

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Leaving Westboro Baptist

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Bonnie and Karen were ready to skewer everything and everyone connected to hateful Westboro Baptist, with their God Hates Fags picket lines. But then they read Unfollow by Megan Phelps-Roper who left the church (her entire family) and has now come out with the book.

Despicable? Yes. Hurtful? Of course. But with hearing and reading from the granddaughter of the founder of the church, we understand the psychology more.

We also highlight the Equality House, a home purchased across the street form Westboro Baptist that has become an LBGT museum and is painted like a huge rainbow flag.

Once again, we learned a lot from this episode. It hurts our egos to keep learning like this.

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MLMs: Moms Losing Money

It’s just a little fun on the side. Sell some oils or woven baskets, make some pocket money. Of course, that’s not how it ends up at all. Multi-Level marketing companies are mainly Christian/Mormon run–Mary Kay, DoTerra Oils, Pampered Chef, Advocare, and many more. The secret hidden in plain sight is that 75% of people (ok, women) who join MLMs don’t make money. And about 50% LOSE money. 

Bonnie and Karen discuss which MLMs are religious-based, why, and what the hell is going on. 

They try to keep their usual light manner, but it gets hard when so many mothers are getting shafted by something that is supposed to empower them.

Here’s some of the podcasts we’ve found that are Christian/Mormon run:

31 Gifts

LaBella Baskets and Gifts

Mary Kay 0.2% (two tenths of one percent) are in Cadillacs.

Just Jewelry 

F.A.I.T.H. Gifts

Initial Outfitters

Damsel in Defense

First Fitness Nutrition

Mary and Martha

Daisy Blue Naturals

Close to my Heart

Art and Soul

Amway

CB Jewelry

Compelling Creations

Premier Designs

Red Rock Traditions

Crowned Free

Grace and Heart

Advocare

DoTerra–From Young Living 

Pampered Chef

Plexus

Juice Plus

Eclipse Candle Company

Scentsy

Taste of Gourmet

A big thanks to the podcast The Dream by Jane Marie for covering this topic in depth.

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Resources:

The Dream Podcast

Patheos Article

Lettersode 4: Witchcraft, Lemonade, Cannabis, and Cosplay

Listener letter time. Weird, quirky, and hilarious. Bonnie and Karen read from their virtual stack. If you’ve been holding onto a humorous story to do with religion or church, send it in HERE. 

You know how preachers think everything is witchcraft these days, including eye-rolling. Protect yourself by dousing yourself in Axe body spray.

Then we hear a story about preacher’s kids and PGs, preacher’s grandkids. Does the line of celebrity ever end?

There’s a story on how to pick out a homeschooler from a mile away, plus potential jobs for when they graduate.

We finish up with a letter about a bass-playing Jesus.

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Kanye West and His Sunday Service Spiral

Karen and Bonnie discuss Kanye West’s Sunday Services going on around the country.

Kanye West at Sunday Service

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Karen and Bonnie begin by trying to figure out what a Wonderwall is, reminisce about Saturday Night Live’s Shweddy Balls skit, and discuss writings on bathroom walls before getting down to professionally analyzing Kanye West.

Kanye’s new church services are in Calabasas, CA to Detroit to wherever he flies his choir to next. It’s a music-only service, which kills Bonnie. And he doesn’t even do Golddigger! It’s all leading up to his new album release: Jesus is King. 

They discuss Kanye’s bi-polar, liposuction, and criticism. Plus, something we didn’t know is the Kardashian’s previous involvement in another California church.

All we can say is #FreeKanye, because we feel like we’re watching a car wreck in slo mo.

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Baby, Baby: Quiver-full (of Crap)

The Duggar Family, who are quiverfull

The Quiverfull Movement is all about letting God give you as many babies as possible to build up the Army of God. Think, the Duggars. 

We want to make 2 things clear at the get-go:

  1. Having a lot of kids is not bad, no matter how much we laugh at it. All big families aren’t quiverfull either. 
  2. Many women have been hurt by this movement, so rest assured we understand the gravity of the hurt that women and kids, especially have experienced with this. Just like our episodes on cults or conmen preachers, we find humor on the edges, and hope a wider audience who enjoys idiotic hosts learn about things they didn’t know was going on around them.

Karen and Bonnie let you in on what they’d name their kids if they had a bundle of them. Then they discuss the origin and widespread reach of the movement. It’s as messed up as you think it is.  From women not using a tampon for decades because they’re knocked up, to the harsh discipline, and vasectomy and tubal tie reversal ministries, it’s f-ed up.

We also read stories from former quiverfull women who are, thankfully, out now.

Our sources: La Wikipedia and article Bonnie read from.

Terrible abusive video from Debi and Micheal Pearl (starts at the 1:25 mark).

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The Righteous Gemstones is Funny as Hell

Danny McBride, Adam Devine, Edi Patterson, John Goodman, and a guy playing a keytar. The Righteous Gemstones is heaven. 

It’s over-the-top and ridiculous and exaggerated, and a hundred percent accurate.

The Righteous Gemstone: Edi Patterson, John Goodman, Adam Devine, Danny McBride

This week we discuss the HBO show and how familiar Bonnie and Karen are with the Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker-type family that drives two-hundred thousand dollar SUVs, has a shooting range on their compound, and a Christian project named Keefe living with them.

Tony Cavalero as Keefe in The Righteous Gemstones

There are celibacy promises! Bible heroes wax museum. Chicken references. Mullets. Pants with pleats. Tee shirts with youth group graphics. Youth group!! Youth group meeting as a cover. I wonder if any of our friends ever did that? (Yes, they did.)  “These feats of strength are all to glorify God.”

Adam Devine’s youth minister character is typical of what we see in the south. Is he gay or just trying to be hip? Does he look like Hermy the elf or Jimmy Neutron?

Bonnie talks about how Adam Devine received the late-season add-in blessing from Modern Family like other stars have experienced.

And damn if Edi Patterson’s role as the daughter Judy isn’t painfully accurate. She never gets to do anything in the patriarchal church family.

Watch it with us and tag us with your insights. We love this show.

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