We love letters. We love them. And reviews. We’re selfish and run on interaction.
Thanks for being vulnerable and making us laugh at and with you. Keep them coming!
This week we hear about Catholic smudge marks and Pastor Gary.
We’re also trying to get transcriptions going. Yes, they WILL improve.
Karen and Bonnie
It’s Deconversion Therapy. Is it welcome time? Oh, sorry.
Deconversion therapy. The letter sewed where you write us letters about all the terrible, embarrassing things that happened to you in the church. And we read them and laugh at you with you for you. All of this for you, because it was painful for you. We don’t care. Um, so I’m the parent. Yep. And this is Bonnie and make sure to please subscribe and rate, and I’d really love some new reviews.
Even if our old reviewers get on someone else’s phone. I just like seeing things written about us. Um, it helps, you know, Uh, boost boost star morale, because right now we are hibernating and I haven’t talked to anyone and usually. When I walk around, it’s just people following me, telling me you’re beautiful.
You’re gorgeous. And now I don’t get that anymore. Can I please tell you, uh, similar to what you just joked about? That happened to me once with a friend who I was with, not me. I was there. You weren’t. I think I was okay. It was in Los Angeles. I was on an escalator with my roommate who was a model. And we were on the down,
we were on the down escalator and some guy was going on the up escalator and he sees her and just says, you’re beautiful. And I was like, wow, that’s just the most fun thing to be standing next to too.
I just go for twins. Oh, wow. Um, let’s see. Also find us on Instagram. Our Instagram followers are great, and if you post memes, I will steal them. People send them to me and the DMS or on our Facebook group, which is really fun. Bonnie’s been in there a lot. Uh, I will pop in and steal the memes. So that’s it send in your funny stories and how about you start with one Bonnie?
All right. This is one that I think is really interesting. At least I I’ve skimmed these, but not read them. So, but I really enjoy the fact that, um, The person after it says, here’s my story says, please don’t reveal any names, read all the names, all of them. I know, spell them for clarity. I was at a school attached to a church that sounds just like us.
And then it says, which we later found out was a cult. And what grade do you find that out in. Um, you get your period. You’ve realized, Oh, this is a cult I’ve grown up. Um, one day the principal of my school, who was also the pastor’s wife called a meeting of all students to the sanctuary. We then proceeded to have a two hour intervention, which she claimed was for purifying the school from evil.
During this time, every single student, except for me and my friend, uh, went to the podium and repented before everyone for their sins. I remember this one, tiny seventh grader went up and started sobbing because he didn’t give his all in his.
That’s so sweet and said, can you imagine how many times I would be up there? I couldn’t even find my homework. I would say did SAS. Oh my God. But with you and your homework, I remember the meanest teacher, we had implemented some kind of system with you where you had to write it down in a book. Yes. Yes. I know.
Yeah. Just kind. Everything I owned was in lost and found. I was the only kid doing my work at an angle because my desk wouldn’t shut from all my crap. And then.
My teacher had to like invent a little pad of paper where she’d write down the assignments and initial it, because between school and home, I just walked through some kind of supernatural that sucked everything out of my brain and I’d show up and people would like, know what they’re doing? And I’m like, what?
What has to happen again? Three found that I had add, but anyway, let’s go back. I remember with you, with you and the assignment book, uh, others of us were like, well, we wanted assign that look too. I’m sure the teacher was like fine. I’ll initial. Okay. All of your crap here, right? But that was good. And I know that you’re going to be jealous now, but now I am a themed and I always have been about writing things down.
Oh, me too now. Yeah. But yeah, I really took it to heart. And when I see people not writing things down, I’m like, how do you edit? You get shit done. And what are you just remember everything and check things off and feel victorious even more important. Yeah. Okay. Back to the letter. Sorry, wait. But back to lost and found thing.
When I was in acting school, I had this awesome blue sweatshirt and there was an afternoon class and a morning class. And I was in the morning and I lost my sweatshirt and I couldn’t believe it. And I was hanging around one day after the afternoon. People started and here comes this guy wearing my sweatshirt and I said, Where’d you find that sweatshirt, you goes, I didn’t find it.
It’s mine. And I’m like, no, I’m pretty sure that’s mine. Cause it has the toothpaste stain right on the boots that I had gotten. It’s so easy. Reluctantly takes it off and hands it back to me. And that person was. Short, ah, nevermind. No, it wasn’t anybody who we know today by their name. Okay. So this letter is almost over, I’m sorry, no name.
It says other students apologize for not being kind to their mothers or doing harmless pranks. Pranks are never harmless by the way. That’s right. Um, they’re always awesome though. Um, it was one of the strangest moments in my life. I bet. So, yeah, but you know what else this person is talking about? Like the whole going up to the podium.
I am reading a book right now and I won’t tell you whose book it is because we’re going to talk about it on a subsequent podcast, but he talks about being saved multiple times. Yeah. Other people have been talking about that. And I, I thought it just happened. No, you rededicate your life. Yeah. But they talk about it being saved because he specifically says I was worried that it didn’t taste, right.
Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Um, then baptize multiple times too. That is a waste of water. Um, But also like this letter, you know, the whole idea idea of really, especially when you’re young, trying to find every little sin, because you’re sure. You know that it’s in there. So you’re like digging and finding things that aren’t even bad.
They’re just, you know, the whole, like not respecting my mother, like, you know, what if your mother is an asshole or a bitch or, you know, and it’s like, well, I’ve really got to do it. Gotta dig deep. And I can tell you who from our school’s mother was. Oh, Yeah, leave that to everybody’s imagination for all the zinger people.
He knows our listeners, they know who we are. Um, but there was, there was tremendous use of the guilt in our Baptist day school. Yeah. I told you, I told you about them. One that sticks out with me when a frog in a jar of formaldehyde was broken. And the whole place, our sixth grade classroom stunk and to inhale, it hurt your throat.
And I remember when we got to leave, I said, Oh my gosh, I’m so glad to get out of here. Cause my throat hurts so bad. And then the next day the teachers, uh, prepared a fake conversation to have in front of me. Saying? Well, there was one student yesterday who commented on how the room didn’t smell good, which was very unkind considering that some of us have to stay here all day.
And so it worked on me. That’s just, and that’s such a nothing thing. Yeah. But look what stuck with these centers. Sixth grade. I know. Well, Frog. I remembered the one kid. He was younger than us. He was a real glue eater and he was crazy. So we had the little, there’s like a carport. Opening at our, our day school.
And so the parents would drive up and, you know, the kid would jump in the car and we had patrols, which I was one. I want everyone to know I had patrols and I would do patrol duty. And that just says, Hey car, come up. Hey, kids stop and narrows this wild little kid. And he would always say, can I go now?
Like, Oh yeah, me sarcastically, if he could walk, but he got given the punishment. He obviously at ADHD, given the punishment to write, I will not, you know, do this or that. And they’re like, you need to run the chalkboard, like Bart Simpson on paper. Um, so he wrote one page and then photocopied. Badly five other pages that were like crooked and you know, old and all that.
And he brought them in. I’m like, ah, our school wasn’t Gary. That was not the point of the exercise. And today. He runs Apple. Okay. Um, all right, Tim Apple. All right. The Apple store, no name from blank. Blank, state blank, blank. That’s right. We’ll just put your name on Instagram. Okay. This one is from Chris, AKA marshy now, and hi, Chris.
I know who you are. Hey lady, I’m getting a kick out of catching up on podcasts during this Covance stuff. So let me just say thanks for providing some laughs. I do have a Catholic story to share with you with some caveats, namely. I’m not Catholic. So it’s a reporter’s diary. It’s it’s a I’ll tailing. Um, first let me say, I grew up super Fundy.
I think we look like Mennonites, but with the exciting soul crushing doctrine of Westland Methodism, as in, wait, what did Mennonites look like? Long dresses and long hair and the little delicate, um, yarmulke thing with the string saying, no, that can’t be right. We’re going to get in trouble. Well, it’s not a yamaka.
It’s a little Barnetti thing. Delicate. It’s like very little crochet. They can be crocheted. I think that’s okay. Oh, Oh. Oh. Like the thing that maybe covers your ears, even now I’m thinking of a snowcap yeah. Yeah. I think, um, witness, so almost Amish, but shops at hobby lobby. Okay. Um, so they opened, by the way, I don’t know.
They essential. Yeah, they’re essential. Where else are you going to get wooden letters? Okay. Think we look like Mennonites, but with the exciting soul crushing doctrine of West land Methodism, as in Christian perfection slash two works of grace. I’ll look that one up slash salvation plus sanctification with a touch of charismatic as in getting the spirit, but not speaking in tongues because that’s obviously demon possession.
Okay. Thanks. Bye. And a complete horror of the outside world. We had our own school, college camp, you name it. And we did not interact with folks outside our church except for unsaved family. So at least they were loving to their family. No, they did not say that. They said no, no, no. They said they interacted with them.
They didn’t shun their unsaved family at least. True. So that’s nice, but the interaction, we don’t have the details on. Um, all right. I see a fair teacher to did it. Which is how I wound up not ever meeting a Heden Catholic until I was about 23 years old. Today, this, this life event wouldn’t be a big deal.
I would laugh it off and apologize. But at 23 years old, the submissive easily intimidated girl, it was a life altering event. Now you imagine that and like, how do you identify a Catholic. Well, eyeliner
now, spaghetti straps. They all have perfect. Just forgive them. I know. I just remember seeing all the Catholic girls that, you know, we’d run into at the grocery store and I’d noticed, say I’d like the black coal eyeliner. Really? Yeah. They probably put it on after school, but nonetheless, the girls in junior high school used to take a lighter to their eyeliner and set it on fire to get it all melty so they could get a really good glop.
That’s what the term smokey I came from. No,
it’s great. Okay. Now long ago in the olden days, Protestants acknowledged lint. That should not be the same as what’s in your belly button, but we did not actually take part in denying ourselves for 40 days, mostly because we were so spiritual. We denied ourselves 365 days all the time. Have you ever done lint?
I think it’s a great idea. Yeah. Every time you reach for a peanut or something that you deny yourself, it’s a reminder of why you’re doing it. I would just be like this year. I’m not eating peanut for the good example.
This year, I’m giving up. I’m sending my dog away for 40 days. Um, my God, that’d be sad. Give up your oat milk and it’s not oatmeal milk, but thanks a lot. Yeah. It’s not pods people. They’re great. They froth really well. Alright. Back to the letter. However, I have noticed recently that more Protestant Protestants seem to be getting into the lint Ash.
Wednesday thing. Question Mark. Yes. Anyway, I moved away to another state right out of Bible college and ran into my first. Oops and ran into my very first Catholic Mike was an engineer on a job site I worked at and we all had to wear hats and steel toed boots, et cetera, with lots of dust around. So it wasn’t uncommon for guys to get kind of dirty.
Oh, no. Oh no. The smear of dirt on his head. And we were having a budget meeting. I was so nervous for him. I kept tilting my head, trying to catch his attention, gesturing to my story. Okay. To save this poor man, , I’m giving a big presentation with a giant spear of mud on its face.
Finally, one of the admins pulled me aside and asked if I was okay, because it looked like I was fighting off a bee or something and explain that. No, in fact, Mike was the one looking stupid and I was trying to save him. She cracked up and told me he was Catholic and today was Ashwin stay. He in fact was being spiritual and deep.
Thinking about his mortality. I was completely stunned and shocked that one, I hadn’t met a cath like any didn’t seem to be evil
too. I was too dumb to put together the Ash Wednesday ashes on the face, despite years of ease. A C E curriculum and four years of Bible college, including two semesters of college and worth and world religion. Oh my God. Just like us. I mean, we had Ash Wednesday for sure. It was on every calendar and we had world religion and Colts.
Not that we ever studied anything. We just listened to the teacher talk. Right. That would, this is so great because the same thing happened to me when I worked at Macy’s when I was 21, like more than one person came in with that on their forehead. And I was so flipped out, like what’s happening? Why are they all doing it?
Yeah. It more than one. Yeah, it does look cultish. Yeah, and I, I had met Catholics I’m sure, but maybe I hadn’t been exposed to them on Ash Wednesday. Oh, my gosh. It was, it was, uh, it was one of them, the funniest things to realize what was going on, but not like hers. Stupid. Mike, she put in parentheses.
Catholicism is a call FYI, not a world religion. So the admin did, in fact, dismiss me from the meeting with a quote, bless your heart. This was North Carolina. So you know what that means? And I hidden in the bathroom for the rest of the day. I worked out of another office for about two weeks because I just couldn’t be around him without dying inside.
I’ve moved all over the Southeast and my adult life. And let me just say, after living in Louisiana, for sure. Four years. I have met many more Catholics and I’ve learned to love fish on Fridays and fat, Tuesday and drinking. So Catholics have brought a lot to my life, including etiquette on Ash Wednesday.
Thanks for that podcasts ladies. Oh my gosh. That’s awesome. It is so, so we, um, hung around. Uh, when we were at a different town in Tennessee, the first friends we made were Catholics. So they introduced us to a bunch of Catholics. And then the next thing you know, we’re going to like all the events, cause they have a chili cook off and a wine tasting and like people just drink and drink and it’s so fun, but we knew that it was bad when like my youngest daughter was still.
Sitting on my lap, still in diapers. And we’d hang out with our Catholic friends and there’d be beer bottles on the table. And she grasped it up on my lap with her chubby legs and tried to balance and was wobbly and grabbed a beer bottle. Got the bottom of the stabilizer. Yeah, got the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up to cover the cap of the beer bottle.
Cause she’d seen how we busted the cast and many times I’m like, Oh, she might not be learning the right things from me. Um, yeah, I learned the Catholics, but speaking of limp, remember that one, lint that the Pope quit. I’m like quit. What is job? Yes. The one before this one was just like, eh, John. Oh, well, that’s a lamp for you.
Well, there’s a friend of mine who was with, uh, some of the members of her family and it was Christmas Eve. And just true to what you were saying. They had been drinking. And it was not, uh, you know, not unusual for them to go to midnight mass on Christmas Eve. So they went where they thought they were going to meet up with their dad to go to mass.
And they walked in and they were giggling and everything. And the other people weren’t quite as jovial and they had accidentally gone into an AA meeting. Yeah. Um, they turned around. They left, but on, on major holidays like that, they have like, um, AA meetings around the clock in certain places. And so yeah, they call it like meeting Palooza or something like that.
So if anybody’s having a problem at any time of day, they have somewhere to go. That’s a good idea. It’s not church. No. And it reminds me of the girls Scouts setting up, you know, their table outside the, um, the cannabis shops. You just have it available. There’s some marketing, Christian marketing, people that tell you about that.
Oh, we have, we have one more. Okay. Uh huh. Amy says it’s okay to her to use her name. I wish she said, Amy said it’s not okay to use. So she says high up, which by the way, and now I’m just interrupting the letter after the first one. Yeah. We have found fault already there. I went over to England and that’s how a lot of people would greet you with HYA.
What. Yeah, no. Yes. Hi. Yeah. Anyhow, she says, hi, a 28 year old center living in New York city here. My story, you can just say you’re living in New York. We would understand the rest. Oh, my story is about the pastor at the super conservative evangelical Presbyterian church. I went to growing up. My main beef with him happened during my senior year of Christian high school.
When I was applying to join the national honor society, you were required to get a recommendation from your pastor in order to be accepted me being a 17 year old kid, putting off, getting his letter of recommendation till the very last minute. Apparently he was so upset that it had to be a rush job.
Really, all he had to do is write one damn paragraph for me that he actually wrote, Oh my God, that he didn’t think I qualified to be accepted. Guess what? I didn’t get accepted. I never did get into the national honor society. Thanks a lot, pastor Gary, you jerk. I know. I could go down the long list of how much church has ruined the intellectual and career.
Potential of so many people. Okay. But yeah, but you know what? I laugh and stead letters. Yeah. Yeah. But, but listen to what we’re talking about. Our sixth grade teacher, this guy, pastor Gary, they all take it on themselves. Like these children shouldn’t be acting like children. They should be accommodating me.
It’s just. Shitty shitty grownups. Anyway, um, my family left the church a few years later because the elders refused. I used to change with the times and insisted on only singing Gerges from the hymnal, no youth program and no intention of improving that. Pastor Gary actually sent an angry letter to my sister, even my parents insulting her and saying how disappointed he was, that she left the church.
Wow, pastor Gary. And I hope that’s, I don’t know if I hope it’s his real name or not. Cause I just want to tell pastor Gary to go. Yeah, something that’s right. This is real name or Twitter handle. Thank you. Hey, pastor Gary, sit on it and spin. Hmm that’s uh, well, yeah, he might get that one. Well, my family was.
Still attending that church. There was a whole debacle where he pissed all the old people off because he said life sucks in one of his sermons, pastor Gary, um, everyone freaked out about it and he had the issue, Paul, but yeah. Yeah. I love that this letter is kind of more like bashing pastor Gary, and I’m fine with that.
Um, Everyone else in the family are still devout Christians. And occasionally I hear that they quote, worry about my face. Um, I’m happily long gone from that life. Even though back in the day, I did lift my hands in worship and sobbed at church retreats for no reason other than everyone else was doing it.
How could you expect me to stay in it after going to college for musical theater at a secular school? Right. It was a four year long, big gay romp, and it was glorious. I was so thrilled to find your podcast. It comforts me to know I’m not alone. Let us pray. Awesome. And I hate pastor Gary. I know, but that’s a substitute for all of the people who were grown ups, who were shitting on us as children.
Exactly. And it happens so much in the church. It’s unbelievable. Yeah. And guess what else? I was the most compliant kid you’d ever hope to have and they still shat upon me. Yep. Same here. Yeah. Yeah. And it was like, yeah. Any little thing you do, that’s it? Yeah. Anything. Yep. And then meanwhile, they’re all off bang in each other and smoking.
So send us more of your pastor, Gary shit, head teacher story. Go ahead. Maybe we all have an episode on just. Instead of these ship piles that are usually big name people, just some pastors who are real assholes. Thank you guys as usual for listening and do the whole rate and subscribe thing that Karen explains is important.
And we will be looking at the people who are asking. Looking to get into the Facebook group because that’s a fun group with nice conversation and a welcoming bye. And that’s Bonnie telling me to get in there and do my part of the task. No, it’s not. I’m the letter in her, but that was my way of saying if we haven’t let you in it.
Just because, um, we know like you that’s right. Alright. Well, thanks and have a great week and VV, not a shift pile.